Bullying Advice

 for Children & Teenagers 

We all know that bullying goes on in every school but it's the way it's dealt with which makes the difference between life being tolerable or a misery. Bullies are very cunning and are expert at getting away with it.

Bullying includes

• People calling you names
• Making things up to get you into trouble
• Hitting, pinching, biting, pushing and shoving
• Taking things away from you
• Damaging your belongings
• Stealing your money
• Taking your friends away from you
• Spreading rumours
• Threats and intimidation

Bullies can also frighten you so that you don't want to go to school, so that you pretend to be ill to avoid them.

If you are being bullied, tell a friend, tell a teacher and tell your parents. It won't stop unless you do. It can be hard to do this so if you don't feel you can do it in person it might be easier to write a note to your parents explaining how you feel, or perhaps confide in someone outside the immediate family, like a grandparent, aunt, uncle or cousin.

Your form tutor needs to know what is going on so try to find a time to tell him/her when it won't be noticeable. You could stay behind on the pretext of needing help with some work.

The best idea is if a teacher can catch the bullies red-handed. That way, you won't get into bother from anyone for telling tales. It will be clear to everyone what has been going on. Don't be tempted to hit back because you could get hurt or get into trouble.

Try to stay in safe areas of the school at break and lunchtime where there are plenty of other people. Bullies don't like witnesses.  If you are hurt at school, tell  a teacher immediately and ask for it to be written down. Make sure you tell your parents.

On the school bus, try to sit near the driver, or if it's an ordinary bus, by other adults. If you have to walk part of the way, and you're afraid of being ambushed, then vary your route, try to leave home and school a bit later or a bit earlier, or see if you can walk with other people who live near you, even if they're older or younger.

If you have a mobile phone, be careful who you give your number to. If you receive threatening phone calls or emails then tell your parents. It is a criminal offence to send offensive or threatening phone messages and if it continues, it can also amount to harassment. The police can, and do, take action.

If you see anyone else being bullied at your school, please tell someone about it. But don't get into trouble with the bullies, do it discreetly by telling a teacher when you get an opportunity and won't be overheard. People who are being bullied need friends so if you can help someone who is so unhappy please do so.

Bullying is very upsetting and if you feel you can't cope, tell your parents and go to see your doctor. Many doctors are very sympathetic about the effects of bullying and yours may be able to write a note for the school explaining the effect that bullying is having on your health.

You could think about judo or martial arts classes so that you are confident you can look after yourself if necessary.

Being bullied can make you feel very lonely and you might think you haven't got any friends. You're probably not the only one being bullied who has to spend break and lunch hour on your own. Keep your eyes open. If you see someone else on their own try to start a conversation, about anything, schoolwork, if you think you know their sister, if you think they might live near you, anything at all.

Sooner or later you'll find a genuine friend who likes you for yourself. Sometimes bullies will take your friends off you, perhaps your friends are afraid they'll also be bullied if they go around with you. It's always very upsetting when friends turn against you which is a good reason to try to get on with as many different people as you can, even those in different years.

If people are making nasty remarks about you then it may be because they are jealous. Perhaps you're better looking than they are or work harder or perhaps the teachers like you better. One way of dealing with remarks is simply to say ...yeah, whatever, .... each time so that you show them that it isn't having the effect of upsetting you in the way they think. Try to avoid eye contact with them so that they can't see how upset you are and you can't see their sneers.

The bullies will have worked out what buttons to push to make you upset. They may make remarks about:

• Your weight
• Your looks
• The colour of your hair
• Your family
• Your schoolwork
• If you are popular
• If you work hard
• If you have a disability
• If you are a different religion, colour or culture
• If you wear spectacles or a hearing aid
• If you have dyslexia
• If you’ve been off school due to illness

Some pupils have stopped eating because they’ve been called fat, or stupid because they have dyslexia. . The thing all these pupils had in common is that they were perfectly ordinary, nice people who had the misfortune to come up against a very nasty person.

If there's a ringleader then it's possible that other people who used to be your friends probably still like you, but they could be worried that if they go around with you they'll get bullied in the same way.

One thing you could do is have a word with each of them individually, at a time when nobody else is around, and just sound them out. You could try to get them into conversation about something like what they did at the weekend and then just say that you used to be friends with them and you're not sure why that changed. You may find that they're embarrassed and sheepish and don't really have an answer.

To have friends you also need to be a friend and you can do that by trying to be open and friendly with people and asking how they are. This isn't always easy because sometimes the people you are nice to aren't nice back, but if you just ask someone if they had a nice weekend then it gives them the chance to say something back and then you can try to continue the conversation.

People love talking about themselves so in time you’ll find people who like doing that because you'll come across as a good listener and then people will enjoy your company and you'll find you have the same interests as some of these people which is the first step towards genuine friendship.

BODY LANGUAGE

Think about the last time you walked into school. How did you feel? Confident and powerful? Or timid and worried?

And how did you look to other people? Were you striding out purposefully with your head up, looking forward, or were you trying to make yourself look insignificant in the hope that the bullies wouldn’t spot you?

Body language tells us a lot about other people. If you’re trying not to be noticed and looking at the ground a lot while darting into school it can make you more noticeable. You look defensive and vulnerable.

If you step out boldly you send out a quite different message of confidence, as though you’re the sort of person who might answer back if the bully tries a smart remark. You may not be very confident but you’ll certainly look it.

TAKING TIME OFF SCHOOL

Sometimes, when you’re very unhappy you might want to stay at home to avoid the bullies because you’re afraid of what they might do to you. Always tell your parents how upset you are so that they can help you. You need their support.

Every day you go in to school is a triumph over the bullies because by being there you’re showing them that you have every right to be there and that their behaviour hasn’t upset you as they’d hoped.

The problem is that if you start taking days off then you can quickly fall behind with work and that makes life more stressful as well as possibly affecting your exam results and your future.

Unfortunately, taking time off school without being genuinely ill is considered to be an unauthorised absence or truancy and your parents could end up being prosecuted for it.

Luckily, education departments have people who can help in this situation called education welfare officers (education social workers) and they can often make a big difference so that pupils can get back into school quickly and with the support they need.

Remember don't put up with it - tell someone..........